Singing the Queer Soul
What is queer spirituality? That’s a complex question with complicated answers, which vary from individual to individual. Religious traditions have historically been unpredictable in their support of the LGBTQ+ community, varying less by confession or denomination than by locale and the personal tolerance of the spiritual leader of each church in question.
The music of spirituality has also, historically been a source of queer friction.. Liturgical composers as far back as Handel have hidden their homosexuality in exchange for mainstream success, leaving only traces of their true identity hidden in their works for us to find and wonder, did they believe? We ponder, even today, how gay composers like Tchaikovsky balanced their internal selves with the demands of the liturgical circles in which they composed.
As a trans, queer choral director and composer, my own history with spirituality is no less fraught: I was raised in an evangelical, fundamentalist family. My father was a minister, my mother, the church pianist, and we children were recruited into the music making “for Jesus” before we even reached the age of our spiritual majority. I was very conscious, even early in life, that my identity was not okay, and that I had to hide it at all costs. At the same time, though, the liturgical music of the church was what sustained me and kept me moving forward, even when I felt utterly rejected by the community.
Now, as an adult, I still struggle with my relationship to music and spirituality, and I’m not alone in this: I’ve had many conversations with other queer musicians and artists about the inherent complexity of spirituality in heteronormative spaces. Is religious music appropriate material if those traditions have historically excluded us? Are those musical traditions agnostic by default, are we allowed to claim these sacred traditions for ourselvesor should we instead create new, queer, traditions out of whole cloth?
We’re trying to answer some of those questions for ourselves in TRANScend’s upcoming choral concert for Pride, Sing Me to Heaven. The musical program examines the moments of emotionality that inform queer spiritual experiences, and yes, it includes some faith-inspired pieces. It also includes meditations on what it means to be a queer person searching for meaning, spiritual security and comfort.
Most notable of these is the premiere of American-Vietnamese composer, Dylan Trần, i am mine, the text of which begins: i want to start believing that i am mine. i want to own every part of myself, all of the parts i deemed ugly, ungraceful, only meant to please others… It’s a paeon to claiming your own soul and remaking your own spirit. It’s complex, and not always peaceful and smooth – a perfect gem of queer spirituality in musical form.
Come join us on Sunday, June 18th @ 3 pm - St. John’s in the Village! Tickets are on sale now!